we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
