Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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