I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
