So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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