Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So many bounce houses so little time
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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