I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
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This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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