So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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