Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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