I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Less talking, more tequila
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
