He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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