At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
