She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
