I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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