i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
True college students do jello shots in the library
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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