hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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