I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
