The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
