How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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