shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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