What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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