meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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