I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
