8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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