If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...