I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
