I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
