I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
