Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
