I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
