How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
