I think I died a long time ago.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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