Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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