He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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