My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
