i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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