Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
