p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
