so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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