Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
