Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
