Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
