I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
