I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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