I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
