Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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