ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
