If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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