What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
