There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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