So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
