So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
