bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
