I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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