I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
