Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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