i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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