There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
