ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
