Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
