my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
