Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
