I'm going to jail i love you
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
