I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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